I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
