I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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