My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
