Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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