Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
