im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
