Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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