She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
