i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
