Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
