I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
