I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
