Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's blow job season.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.