They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.