and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
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woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.