but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space