Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
