I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
