Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
