He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
