Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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