Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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