I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
