I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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