im holly from the hills drunk
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
