I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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