yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
His nipple licking is glorious
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