Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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