Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
