Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
