i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dicks are not precious.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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