We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's never too late to be topless.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
