every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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