I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
