Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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