Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
