i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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