Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
