Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
