I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
