Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
