i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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