You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
