The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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