He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Drunk is not a location!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
