you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
