Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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