i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
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I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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