exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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