Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize