I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
