Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
