White coat. Heels.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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