that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
