Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
