btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
