It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
