Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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