Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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