My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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