Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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