I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
