i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
