hell yes lets make some ravioli
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
