there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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