so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
