$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
