How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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