so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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