Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
