eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
